Throwing Words
by Tess27
Summary: Jane and Lisbon have begun throwing words, and now they've started, it's becoming harder and harder to stop. 4x24


**AN:**_ Long-written and remembered again with 4x24, I wrote this during Season 2 and never published it. I'd completely forgotten about it until certain L-word revelations in the season finale 4x24, so hopefully this will help show just how far they've come in the time since and complement the events of The Crimson Hat. I've written some details about Lisbon's brothers that we now know are wrong, but I've decided to leave it as it was written. There's some allusions to season 2 episodes - Red Badge, His Red Right Hand, and so on. It's more than a little late, but I hope you enjoy anyway!_

* * *

They're being careless with words recently, and they both know it.

One day, they started throwing words, and it's getting dangerous for both of them.

Words that shouldn't be thrown around so easily – and it's getting easier – and they use them without a care.

It started out with words like '_trust_'. Words like this demanded a response, and responses were given, equally carelessly.

The truth is, between them, it's easy to say '_trust_'. It's easy to say '_need_' and '_care_', and they both know it's easier than it should be. Much easier.

Then all of a sudden, they – he – she – started throwing love.

'_He does love you, how could he not?_"

'_She loves me really._' '_Yeah, keep telling yourself that._'

'_I'm very proud of you. I love you._'

Any excuse, any chance. They're throwing words and they both know it.

It's got to stop.

It's got to stop because they both know it's not fair. It's not fair on her. She doesn't want to compete with a memory, and he doesn't want her to feel she has to.

He doesn't want to let the past go, he doesn't think he can.

She knows something he doesn't, although he might well know. Somehow, for all his failings, he always seems to know things. That day, he knew she wanted his help. He knew before she opened her mouth that she needed him. He knows how she feels, always, and that makes her more afraid than it should.

But she does know something he doesn't. The day their boss left – retired – quit, she's not sure what to call it, he said to her to keep an eye on him. She's sure _he_ doesn't know. She knows that when their friend died, he was given instruction to look after her. And so it's mutual. He's to look after her, and she's to keep an eye on him. She knows it's mutual. He doesn't.

He also doesn't know that he's doing a far better job of looking after her than she ever would have hoped. She knows he doesn't realise he's doing it. She also knows that one day, he won't be able to look after her any more. Maybe that day will never come, but for his sake, she hopes it does.

One day, he told her she could trust him. He told her that he needed to know she could trust him. He wants her to believe him, and she wants to believe him, but she can't. She can't admit to trusting him, when she doesn't know what he's going to do on that day. He can't promise to always be there for her when they both know on that some day he's going to be with him. That man, that person, the reason his life is so hard. The reason he says she can't 'fix' him.

And she's trying so very hard.

She's always been a fixer. She tries to fix things, sometimes in vain. She tried to fix her mother that day in the car. Held her hand and told her she was fine. She tried in vain that day. She tried in vain to fix her father. The day he died she tried in vain.

She tried so hard to fix her brothers, and achieved it. They're fine, thanks to her. They're living their lives. They're fixers too. The eldest, a teacher. The middle brother, a social worker. The youngest a paramedic. They all try hard to fix things. For the teacher, it's the unruly pupil at the back of the class who he knows can do better. For the middle, it's the abused child in the broken home who, with the right help can achieve anything. For the paramedic, it's the old lady who's fallen at home who will make a full recovery with his help. They're all fixers, as their sister is.

So she'll continue trying, trying her damn hardest, to fix him. It's not going to be easy, and it's going to take a hell of a long time, but she's here to stay.

As long as they're throwing words, she hasn't got much choice.


End file.
